I'm sorry my penis didn't work
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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