I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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