why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
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You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
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I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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