He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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