We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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