I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
do nipples grow back?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize