and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize