Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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