OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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