dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
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Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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