I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize