is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize