Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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