U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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