dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize