My hand turned me down
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize