last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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