Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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