I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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