I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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