Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Green mimosas i think yes
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I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
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It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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