I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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