why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize