The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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