If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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