Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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