Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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