I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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