I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize