Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
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After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
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Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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