after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Never underestimate the power of titties
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