I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
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If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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