I got chris browned last night
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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