i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
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you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
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Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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