you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
why is half of my head shaved?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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