It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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