just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize