imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
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Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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