Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
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Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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