Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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