thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize