they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
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I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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