if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Vodka?
Forever.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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