I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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