Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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