There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
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There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
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So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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