I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I came so hard my ears popped.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize