Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I intend to get homeless drunk
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
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You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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