Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
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I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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