ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize